The Kitchen

I write this post with a heavy heart - I have to move on from coveting a Smeg refrigerator. Pinterest had convinced me that Smeg is the only one that exists in the universe:

You can see how they proliferate my design inspirations and at less than 12 cubic feet of fridge space (and maybe 4 cubic feet of freezer space), I was ever-willing to overlook this shortcoming because - surprise - I don't cook. This can hold 11 cubic feet of leftovers and maple water? Count me in.

Alas! Their salespeople RUINED it. I went to KBIS in Orlando with a mission to see a Smeg rep and essentially be lauded for my exquisite taste (also, work). The reps there were a) British, b) condescending, and c) to my mom. This is a real-life your-mama joke but it's not funny and I am ethically unable to purchase a Smeg after the rep decided he needed to explain to my mother how dishwashers work. I will not now or ever purchase a Smeg because my mom is a saint. Any other ideas? I'm back to zero.

So let's talk about the plan:

Brace yourselves for something truly foul.

Why yes, my love, that IS linoleum floor. It has probably been there since this house was erected. There are no surprise wood floors beneath.

May I draw your attention to the exciting two-tone cabinetry? That's not blowing your mind? How about the hand-painted paneling? That means a person did this intentionally, and as if that were not travesty enough, it's exacerbated by the fact that this paneling does not in fact match the paneling in the dining. It is different paneling entirely.

At least the yellow tile backsplash/counter tops match (?) the golden floor and yellow (?) ceiling.

Idyllic, really.

Back to this distressing image:

This door now lives on a wall where there will already be french doors (see dining post), so we're going to take it out and replace it with a window. Outside there's a back porch that's nothing but a couple sticks with a roof. But, hey, it's not a pergola.

First a complete demo of all cabinetry forever. Get it out. Smash it up. Chop chop chop.
I'm going to get rid of the back porch metal whatever, too. I'm also throwing out that door, and framing in a window in its place because - surprise! - the only windows in this room are the ones in the corner with the diagonal sink. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a fucking Tim Burton movie.

Also LOVE that the smoke detector is centered to the goddamn room. You can center a smoke detector but you can't center the stove, any windows, any fixtures? Cool.

Just, as an aside, why are old people obsessed with blinds? These blinds face your backyard. Presumably the only person who is going to see you washing dishes naked is the person you invited to be in your back yard. Am I just incredibly naive? Are there lurkers frequently peeping on the off-chance they catch you doing housework in the nude?

Joke's on them, I don't do housework. I also like to think of myself as fairly neurotic, so I'm a little confused at my devil-may-care attitude towards blinds. Perhaps my sideburns give me all the insulation I need.

I know you don't come here for my witticisms, but I am self-indulgent and absolutely too old and hairy to care. This image is of a gorgeous kitchen I found at the Builder's Show (KBIS) in Orlando. I'm pretty obsessed with this open shelving, but what's got me is the tile, take a look:

The tile is hand made - I love it with the contrasting cabinet and open shelving with traditional brackets. Even putting it in a grid pattern gives it a little more of a modern touch.

Back to this guy - it's hard to see because they took a photo with a fish eye or something and the kitchen looks much much larger than it is - I'm going to center the sink (farmhouse white apron sink) so I can add some open shelving and a pantry to the far right where the stove lives now:

Here's my open shelving inspiration:

I love these brackets from Anthropologie but I think they might be a little girly and I might go with something black for some contrast:

I'm going to move the range and hood so it's not a focal point - I plan to get a new range (in white or stainless) and hood and possibly put a copper sheet behind it for some extra attraction, like this guy (only copper):

Sadly centering the sink means the dishwasher goes on the focal wall, but hopefully having an island will cure that. I haven't decided whether I want to build and island or buy one from someplace like Native Citizen (bought a GORGEOUS island there a few years ago and I could certainly be converted again). I also truly considered not having a range hood because they are ugly and I hate them. They are so, so ugly. But I have since been otherwise convinced because if I'm doing open-concept I do not need my house to smell like squid steak because the only setting I know how to cook on is "high."

I don't know what any of my appliances will end up being now that Smeg is off the table. In the interim I need to find an appliance package.

-backsplash - probably white subway, hand made is likely too pricey but I'll see what my reps can do.

-cabinet colors - What if we did black lower cabinets? I need a little contrast in my life, this house is going to be a blizzard.

-faucet - I can afford nothing but I really love a modern faucet - I'm considering it. Still don't know what finish I'm using - see my dilemma below

-floor - this might need to be replaced by wood floor - but maybe tile?? I haven't decided, I was thinking maybe something a little Moroccan in a grayscale but so far everything has been more expensive than just throwing down some new floor.

I found some gorgeous pendants from Arteriors that I'm obsessed with, but I have to pick brushed brass or copper, and right now brushed brass is winning because I can find hardware that matches:

But I'm secretly covetous of these pendants:

Let's hope the Arteriors rep is super nice to my mom.